watching an armadillo decompose

so, instead of trying to catch you all up from my lack of updates, i figure it is best to go ahead and start anew.

there is an armadillo at a busy intersection near the street i am living on these days. this armadillo was hit and i assume killed upon impact. i have been watching the dead life of this armadillo. dead-life. his or her body is no longer full of life as we would call it, but a lot it still happening with this animal.
first off, i didn't realize that armadillos lived in urban areas. i was surprised to see one hit so close to this well-traveled street. the armadillo was left actually in the street, but the next day when i passed, someone was nice enough to move the 'dillo from the street and onto the grass. maybe two days ago the metamorphosis began. from life-life to dead-life. this 'dillo was now providing many insects and maggots food. it was interesting to see as i would pass by just about every time i left the house. soon, the stench came. then the shell was moved off the body and the stench stenched on.
yesterday as i was waiting to pull out at this busy intersection, a man was coming down the street walking on the sidewalk. i was wondering what he might think of this 'dillo and he didn't seem to notice it at first, but then when close enough was startled maybe my the stench and/or the sight of it.
today, i noticed the 'dillo's body almost entirely gone. wow. that was fast. the hard shell does remain. i haven't ever seen anything like this so up close and personal. it has made me think of several things: how quickly life (whether full of death or life) can pass by, what is eating away at me these days, how fast it seems that my emotions can cause me to crumble, how much i have changed since coming back from north Africa, what will my life-life be like in the future.

i was telling my sister this weekend that i find myself being very reflective. she made fun of me a bit by saying that the thought going through my mind must be: "oh, these humans..."
it made me laugh, but i do sometimes feel like i am from another planet. tonight as tears were welling up in my eyes, i found myself thinking and wondering furiously: "why did i have to experience what i have experienced? why do i have to care so much?" it makes me think back to a bold exhortation that will never leave me nor forsake me: "you have learned this truth, and now you are responsible to share it, apply it, live it." it is funny how i yearn for some ultimately responsibilities in my life, yet i tremble at the idea of actually being responsible.
i want to be married, yet easily dispel the fact that with this covenant comes much responsibility. i hope for God-fearing children, yet can quickly bypass the lists of responsibilities that comes with giving birth to a family.

this morning i had the opportunity to attend the retirement party of a great man. he has labored for over 40 years within the great state of AR and beyond. i laughed through many of the remarks that were given in his honor, but appreciated what one final remark exuded: his life-life isn't over. we were not at his funeral, but honoring the incredible ministry he has had and will continue to have in the future.

i find myself needing more down-time these days. i am not sure how this started to happen, but i have realized that i can't fight it anymore. i don't know if i am more of an introvert now or an otter or whatever label some may want to put on me, but it hasn't come easy. i find myself struggling to be rested. is that a bad thing? i was extremely challenged earlier this week when i read a blog entry of woman i deeply respect and hope to possibly be like one day. she talked about the day of rest. when she described (i read the follow-up post that included pictures first...i love pictures) what this day could be full of, i smirked and thought to myself, "yeah, right." but why am i so cynical? rest is something the Lord commands of us. two ladies told me today that they took a cruise earlier this year. why don't we take more cruises? a mentor of mine told me a little while back that one thing he has learned is that he shouldn't have been so worried about what others thought and how hard (meaning how many hours as if hours equals actual work) he should be working. is it ridiculous to feel burnt out already, while feeling like i haven't really done anything? yuck.

so, these are some thoughts...as i watch an armadillo decompose.